Establishing A New Baseline Since Childhood - Valeea | Ep. 56

Continuing with Mental Health Awareness Month, we sit down with Nurse Practitioner Valeea, who brings over 15 years of healthcare experience and has been practicing as a Nurse Practitioner since 2018. Her passion for motivating, encouraging, and educating shines throughout this powerful conversation.

In this episode, we dive into personal experiences ranging from growing up as latch-key kids to living alongside family members dealing with mental illness. We also unpack the effects these experiences can have on children, the stigma surrounding mental health and medication within the Black community, and the importance of recognizing the signs before they go ignored for too long.

This conversation is honest, relatable, and necessary—especially for communities where mental health is often misunderstood or pushed aside.

Recorded exclusively at Charlotte Podcast Studio

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Tae-@taewiththeedits
Shamar-@alanluxstudios

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I mean, since high school, I knew healthcare is kind of where I wanted to be. Just I never knew really knew the avenue.

SPEAKER_05 0:06

I like helping people.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:08

I like helping people a lot. And that's part of my problem too.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

You did, actually. That wasn't right. But I love you. I forgive you.

SPEAKER_07 0:18

It's not as taboo as it used to be, but we still, our community still is like, you know, we don't need that. We ain't crazy. You know, but we do need the heel. So kind of talk about that.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Truth in the air, let it speak.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

I heard you say you were trialing these, so I don't want to mess nothing up.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

My own.

SPEAKER_07 0:41

If you break it, they'll send a new one. She has been watching. You heard that, Tay?

SPEAKER_01 0:49

No, I didn't watch it.

SPEAKER_07 0:50

She said she heard that you was trialing those.

SPEAKER_05 0:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 0:52

These news. So she knows that uh Mono hooked you up with them mics. Mm-hmm. I said, break it. They'll send another one. Don't worry.

SPEAKER_05 0:59

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So, and that's something I say too. I'm like, you know, we've only been doing, we haven't even been, mm-hmm. We're coming up on a whole one year.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Oh, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_05 1:09

But we were what, six months in, and then I got an email. I almost deleted it.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Oh, you like me? Click click.

SPEAKER_05 1:18

It looked like spam. I'll say, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_05 1:22

And the lady reached out to me about these mics, and I was just like, What's the kit?

SPEAKER_02 1:30

There was no kit.

unknown 1:31

No.

SPEAKER_07 1:33

They sound really good though. She said one, one mic, and he was like, Can I get two? Two.

SPEAKER_05 1:37

I say to really showcase your microphones in the best light possible. I have guests, and I think it's great if my guest has one too. Oh, don't worry about it. We'll we'll send you the dual kit. We'll send you the dual kit. But I thought it was gonna be just the mics, but she sent the mic. There's a uh USB adapter that I can use these wirelessly with my phone.

SPEAKER_04 1:59

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_05 2:00

Or anything connected to Bluetooth. Um, and then there's something. Oh, then she sent like um the tabletop stands. Okay, yeah, Shamar and I using one today, but it's a whole kit. And I said, oh.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

It sounded really good though. Thank you, thank you. It was everything was really nice.

SPEAKER_05 2:18

Yeah, so shout out to Mono for these microphones again. So Valiah. Welcome to Creative Roots Podcast.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 2:30

Welcome back to another episode because I have no extra uh well. Welcome back to another episode of Creative Roots Podcast with C Song Become Visions Grow. I am your host, Tay. And I am Shamar.

SPEAKER_07 2:47

Tay's trusty sidekick.

SPEAKER_05 2:48

What's happening? So, again, we we are in the month of May. This is our mental health awareness month. I was about to say something smart, but I'm not gonna do it. But I will say we all have problems. Some more than others. I know I'm bad. I know I got some issues. Um we are sitting here. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm gonna go ahead and get it out the way. I would like to give a shout out to Alan Lux Studios. I was waiting. Shout out to Allen Lux Studios. I would like to thank us. Shout out to Charlotte Podcast Studio. I would like to thank us. And shout out to Artbox Charlotte. I would like to thank us. So, and then we're gonna give another shout out to Mono because Valia says these mics sound real good. They nice. And we agree.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Very nice, yes, very clear.

SPEAKER_05 3:44

So listen, I think she's ready. I'm ready. Y'all should be ready too. We are sitting here with Valia. She is going to introduce herself because I'm not butchering nothing. I've I've done that time and time again. So please introduce yourself to the people, let them know who you are and what you do.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

All right. So my name is Valia Sutton. I am a duly certified family and psychiatric nurse practitioner. I am married almost 10 years in June, and I have a son who is six years old. Um, I have a big heart for serving the underserved. Um, I got into mental health about four years ago. Um, but I do, it's it's not new to me. I have some family members who have some chronic illnesses that um that of course allows the passion to be a little bit more louder, if you will. Um, and so I just, I just I'm that nurse practitioner who I want everybody to have a quality, like some quality health care, right? Um and I just think there's a lot going on right now in healthcare where a lot of people are questioning it. And so I just always like to be that person of reason because I am a provider, so I am able to kind of help, you know. I just I just want to encourage people to, you know, be an advocate, be their own advocate. And so, yeah, there's a there's a lot in me when it comes down to community health and patient advocacy. And so, yeah, I'm glad to be here. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_05 5:04

Yeah, I'm glad you're here. Because when I asked Natasha, I know you got some people. You were like one of the first two people.

SPEAKER_03 5:15

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 5:16

And then she responded back not long after she told me to call you. She says, she's already ready.

SPEAKER_01 5:23

I said, uh-oh. Shout out to Miss Natasha. I appreciate it. I love it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:28

Shout out to you, Tasha, because we we greatly appreciate it. So you have all these things that you do. And and uh, you kind of already alluded to the first question, but what got you started with um focusing on mental health?

SPEAKER_01 5:46

So I started out in family practice, so like your primary care visits, right? Um and then I had some friends kind of say, let's go back to get our, you know, our site certification. I was like, all right, cool, let's go back. But one thing prior to this, it was like full circle. Prior to this, um, we lived in South Carolina, and I remember opening up my car taxes. And I was like, for some reason, just read through it. I had a pretty new car at the time, and I was like, it was like$700. And I'm like, where is all this money going to? So I'm like reading through, and there were there, it was like um the zoo got$11 of the$700. Um, the live, you know, the library, the school, schools got like$200 or something. Can you guess how much mental health received from the state? From me?

SPEAKER_06 6:33

Oh, five dollars. What you say? I said I'm scared.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

You guess, guess. How much?

SPEAKER_06 6:39

Uh I'm gonna say$12.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

You said five.

SPEAKER_06 6:43

I said five.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

A dollar and twelve cents.

SPEAKER_06 6:45

Ooh, though.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

A dollar and twelve cents.

SPEAKER_05 6:48

Hold on, wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Because I don't think y'all heard this. Yeah, I'm okay with the school system. Yeah, yeah. But you telling me the zoo. The zoo.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 6:58

I'm sorry. The animals. All the oohs and oohs.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

The animals. All the received ten more dollars than a human. Wow. So I was disturbed, right? I was disturbed. And again, I have a family member who who suffers with some chronic mental illnesses. So we saw over time just how she wasn't receiving the care that she needed. Um, but unfortunately, you know, with mental health, it's hard to get them on board to receive certain help. So it's only, you know, some sometimes we have to watch from the sideline and it's very hurtful. Um, and thankfully now she's doing much better. But it was just more of a full circle because that then I was like, I saw it. I was like, oh, we need more help here, but it wasn't anything I jumped to go to school for. And so then fast forward years later, it was like, hey, y'all, let's go back. And I'm like, all right, cool. Let me just go at because I do love school. I don't like doing school, but I love learning, if that makes sense. Um, and so went back and graduated back in 2021 um from USC of Columbia with my post-mental health degree and um, or post my postmaster's degree in mental health. And so it's been, it's been a roller coaster since then, because now I'm in it and I really see that the need is like crazy. And I can't save everybody. And it's a like we need a lot of us um out there. But yeah, so that's how I got into, like, I guess introduced to it, but it's not new to me. Like I've always done, I mean, since high school, I knew healthcare is kind of where I wanted to be. Just I never knew the really knew the avenue. Um, but yeah, I'll stop there.

SPEAKER_05 8:28

You didn't know the the actual space. You had the the broad idea.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

You want to help people, right? Like I just want to help people. I just want to do that. I want to help people, but like I never knew. I knew I actually wanted to be a pediatrician, crazy enough. Then I started Googling how long it would take me to go to school. It was too long at the time. However, fast forward today, I don't, I do not regret my nursing path at all. Um, but I have also looked down like maybe I'll go back to medical school. Like maybe, but in this season right now, it's just I can't do that right now. However, if somebody, if I had somebody in my corner years ago before, like once I finished nursing school to say, go ahead on, like, I would have gone. So like I do encourage people, like if you feel like it's something you really want to do, just do it. Because I just I don't feel like I had the the encouragement back then to like push me. Like I was fearful of the medical exam called the MCAT. I was fearful of taking it and never saw a question on it, but it was it scared me.

SPEAKER_05 9:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Yeah. That's I mean, so I just I'm like, dang, I just would have, you know, but it's okay. I love being a nurse practitioner. Yeah, we're you know, I'm biased, but we are awesome providers. A lot of people ask for the nurse practitioner. Because we have that nursing, you know, that's it's innate, it's in us. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:44

All the way back to high school, um, when you think about going back to high school with this broad statement, knowing that you want to help, did you see things outside of this family member that made you feel that way? Or that just because I know some people at a young age, they just they're extra helpful. Yes. You know, and they don't intend to be in the way when they're trying to be extra helpful. It's just in them. So in high school, you know, were there little things that made you really hone in on that, or just it just happened?

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Yeah, so no, I mean, you know, everybody got family members that every somebody's taken care of, right? So older grandparents, just kind of seeing, like my dad's mom, I remember at the time was kind of in and out of the hospital. Um, and so just watching the nurses just be hands-on with them, you know, and I'm like, sometimes you'll see bad experiences. Like, I know that's not, that's not right. That's just not right. That doesn't, so I feel like I'm always like, I like to try to solve a problem, right? And this is not fun all the time because like you see all these things that need to be done, which is why my brain is like on 10,000 sometimes, where I need to do this, I need to save this person, I need to open up something. So I've had to learn how to dial down because I can't save everybody. And I've had, I mean, that's a hard lesson because it's like you're trying to carry everybody's weight and you just can't do that. Mental health-wise, a lot of people carry other people's things. And so as a as a business owner, like I just had to learn, like, really, you just can't, you cannot. But I will say that, you know, if there's if there's somebody out there that feels like there's something that needs to be addressed, then work, then that may be a calling for you. But there, there's so much. I mean, there's so much to unpack with that in general. But long story short, yes, I saw it. I saw where it wasn't good, I saw where it was absolutely wonderful. And so I just was like, well, hey, might as well slide through. And then the high school classes help. The exposure, they help because I was like, oh, I really do like this. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:49

I like helping people. Yeah, I like helping people a lot. And that's part of my problem too. Because, like you said, you you tend to carry everybody else's problems. And I had to get myself to a point where I can't keep carrying on your issues.

SPEAKER_04 12:10

Boundaries.

SPEAKER_05 12:11

You know, yeah, you have to set boundaries. And sometimes those boundary lines are blurred, but you have to find that line again. I'm speaking for self. You know, um because you know, dealing with moderate to severe anxiety and depression, as a man, you don't know who to go to.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 12:32

You you don't have anybody that you can. I'm not gonna say you don't, but for the most part, as a black man, you don't have anybody to go to. Or at least that's how you feel. You know, and and I know you work with children as well. So when you think about grown men and you think about these these kids, is there like a medium, uh like an average age that you see within the the kids? And I'm call- I'm saying kids is anybody that's 18 and below because you're still in high school. You know, do you see anything in that age range that speaks?

SPEAKER_01 13:15

I will say there are a lot of children without both parents. So, like right now at the residential facility that I work for, DSS custody, a lot of them do not have both parents. Um, and not even necessarily birth, like some have neither, right? So I have I do see a lot of like that missing connection with adults. And so, of course, growing up that leads to just like, you know, some personality challenges. Some people don't know how to deal with conflict because they never, you know, or some are so overreactive to conflict because like now when you think about a DSS kid, they have no control, they have no control over anything in our facility, all and so we get behaviors because of that. They don't have the ability to rationalize or emotionally regulate. Because again, people we need they they need the adult, a positive adult pouring into them. And unfortunately, sometimes even with staff members, they're not getting that. So if you can imagine just on a day-to-day basis, they're not being poured into emotionally, this is where we sometimes get our adults who don't have any emotional regulation. And so it definitely stems from childhood, legit. And if we don't address childhood issues as an adult, like once we recognize, because I feel like at some point we have to take about accountability, right? We can keep, we can blame our parents to a certain extent. But it's like, like I seen something on social media that says, you know, you are responsible for your own healing, right? So you can recognize that, and yeah, we can maybe figure out that the root was X, Y, and Z. But now you understand, like, hey, I am a little different. I'm a little, I would like to work through this a little bit more. We can, once we get to that place to find help, just ask for help. We we, I mean, there's a lot of platforms out here that have we have counselors. And one thing I do feel like a lot of times we don't, um, we're not comfortable finding someone else. We meet a person and we're like, mm-mm, we don't mesh well. I don't feel like unpacking with nobody else. But the problem is we need to. We have to sit, you have to sit in it. Like you literally have to sit in whatever happened to you at seven, eight, or nine as you're in your mid-30s trying to figure out why relationships aren't working, why can't I seem to keep a job? Like there, I mean, it shows up. It shows up. So we have to, we have to address it.

SPEAKER_05 15:34

Yeah. Yeah. And you see separation anxiety, you see, um, like you said, the anger issues. Yes. You see commitment issues. Um, I had another one and it was a good one too. I guess it wasn't that good because I don't remember what it was. Um but you have all these things, you know, that you have to deal with. And yes, you need to find somebody that you can mesh with. And I know there are websites and apps where you can go and pretty much vet, you know, the doctor. You know. Um, but you have to be able to, even in your 20s, say, hold on, wait. Why do I feel this way?

SPEAKER_02 16:18

For sure.

SPEAKER_05 16:19

You know, I had to, I prayed one day. I say, God, why am I so angry? And it was just like that, a vision of everything that led up to me being so angry. I couldn't even say anything.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

It was just like gotta address it.

SPEAKER_05 16:39

Yeah. Maybe I should have um honed in on that question a little bit. You know, I shouldn't have been so broad. Hey, one at a time. One at a time. No, it was just like a flood.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:49

And I said, wow. This is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

And then you gotta unpack all of it.

SPEAKER_05 16:55

Individually, one by one.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

And it takes time.

SPEAKER_05 16:59

It takes time.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

It takes time. Like I think a lot of people think that, you know, like therapy or medications is a quick fit. It's not. If you if you, you know, let's say you're 31 and you've been in, I mean, at least going through something at least 25 years, right? You can't unpack that in one year. And that's okay to keep having someone. I see a therapist once a month. Once a month. Like it was, I think I was 25, 26. The very first time I was like, okay, wait, let me go figure out something. Um, and so I was doing it more consistently then, but now I see her once a month. I get excited about our little monthly visits because it's it's essential to be able to unpack with somebody who's non-biased. Because sometimes, you know, we have family and friends that are always on our side, but I want somebody to be able to call it out, right?

SPEAKER_05 17:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

If I'm wrong, let me know. I don't need a yes man. No, no, for sure.

SPEAKER_05 17:44

I don't need you to just be like, that's right. No. No. If it's wrong, it's wrong.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Call it.

SPEAKER_05 17:50

So I snapped somebody the other day. It's okay. Just let it go. Sometimes they need that. No, maybe they do something. Maybe ever. Right. No, don't get yourself controlled. Yeah, right. Exactly. There was no self-control there. There you go. And self-control is a big thing. You have to find everybody knows where their breaking point is. Yep. Even if you don't know, you know when you're getting close to it. That breaking point is either rage or you ball like a baby. However, you deal with this, you have to know where your limit is and control everything under it so you don't get to that height. Absolutely. I feel like I'm being a therapist today.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

No, no, look at you. You got it.

SPEAKER_05 18:33

You know.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Tell the people.

SPEAKER_05 18:35

We're not doing this. Do not get in the comments and do what some of y'all be doing. Shamar, don't even do it behind the camera. Come on, Pastor. Here he go. We know what you do. Go ahead, Pastor. Here he go. Here he go. But I mean, just mental the mental. Everything else. Just stop. What's going through your brain? What has been planted in your mind? What have you seen? What have you been through? You, me personally, I have to unpack all these different things.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

Right.

SPEAKER_05 19:08

Sometimes you have to go to that person.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:13

Hey.

SPEAKER_02 19:13

And address it.

SPEAKER_05 19:14

Hey. Mama, daddy, cousin, uncle, brother, you know, the way y'all raised me. I know y'all did the best y'all could. And whatever, whatever. You know. Um, like even with kids being spoiled, that can still weigh on their mental. Like, I tell people, I say, I can tell my kids were never raised in the hood. They don't know how to lock the front door.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Oh. They just leave it open.

SPEAKER_05 19:44

Why is my front door unlocked? You know? And I'm like, and you can tell that they've never we've never had to worry, they've never seen a struggle.

SPEAKER_04 19:56

Right, right.

SPEAKER_05 19:57

Because they still get what's needed. You know, I have to have conversations with my kids, like, hey, I don't make what I used to make. Hey, we're about to do this, we're about to do that. You know, we're going on trips here and there. And then they would call and ask me, hey, can I get$20 for Roblox? Hold on, time out.

SPEAKER_04 20:13

But what?

SPEAKER_05 20:15

Have you done what your mama told you to do? Your room clean. Da-da-da-da-da. Okay, I might give it to you. Then it gets to a point where it's like, wait a minute, hold on. I can't give you nothing for Roblox. I had to have a conversation with my kids, say, hey, daddy can't buy y'all what y'all want for Christmas. But if I was to get you one thing, what would it be? Them kids said a gaming PC. I think I would have spent more money than I think I spent more money than just giving them a plethora of things. However, I thought about long-term goal. They still got these gaming PCs. Three years, four years later. Wow. They still work.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

It was worth it, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:53

It's very educational.

SPEAKER_02 20:54

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_05 20:55

Like some people don't think that video games can teach you something. And it does. It does. Video games can teach you a lot. Looking at both cameras. Make sure y'all see and hear me. So um I forgot where I was going with that. I think we all did.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

I think I think you were trying to relate to like your childhood being different than your current child.

SPEAKER_07 21:20

Very different. Help them out. See? Latchkey keys.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

See, she's paying attention.

SPEAKER_05 21:27

Latchkey kids. Brought them home back. Nobody's home when you get home. Right. You know, you have to figure things out. So at my age of 12, 13, 15, I'm not just big brother. I'm the man of the house. You know, and I know going through those, that phase has really shaped who I am today. So even though some people would look at that and be like, oh, y'all got left at home by yourselves, that's bad. It's like, well, It taught me discipline. It taught me um how to cook. I learned how to listen to my mama. I learned how to I learned how to get around what mama wanted us to do. Don't go outside till I get home. Okay, well, everybody in the house. But as soon as mama show up, out the window. Out that jump the patio. Mama, my bad. It's out now. You know, so I'm not gonna say that every experience, every bad experience or what other people are calling a bad experience is bad. Um how do you how do you see people shape what they've been through? Is what I'm getting at, you know.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

Um, so there's a term called epigenetics. Um and say that one more time. Epigenetics.

SPEAKER_05 22:51

Epigenetics.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Epigenetics. So basically, let's say great-great-grandma has some anxiety, right? There's a chance genetically that you may have that gene. However, every gene that we have, we don't necessarily have to express. But typically our gene expression can come through, like, let's say, a stressful situation. Um, and so unfortunately, there's a lot of like it's environmental, like it's a lot that can happen, cause our bodies to go into stress, and then these things kind of appear. Not saying that you like if again, great-great-grandma had anxiety that you're bound to have it, but being under stress, trauma, this tends to kind of cause these genes to express. And so what has happened, I think, over the years, because granted, you know, we go way back, you know, we can get into slavery and all these things. Of course, like there's, you know, there's a survival mentality there. So there's a lot of things that had to happen. Brains have had to adapt just based off what we were presented with. So as we move down the line, I feel like today, and like my clientele, current clientele, a lot of people who have survived or just surviving have have a brain that they, there's parts of it that they've had to cut off, right? Like there's there's childhood pieces that I can't talk about. I don't remember. I don't want to remember because they have to continue to live. They have to continue to pay bills and take care of their families. And the beauty in the brain, not saying it's, you know, it's always the best, but the the beauty in having a brain to adapt is that so we don't die. So we don't get so out of, you know, been out of shape where we can't function, right? Like, so its job is to shape whatever we're going through so that you can keep moving, which is why I say when you recognize, like, hey, something legit is off, let me go try to figure out what it is and getting to the root of what it is so that you can help. And in in hindsight, I think culturally, um, we don't like medicine. All right. We don't like medicine. I prescribe medicine, right? So I can honestly say, now there's some supplements in place that I kind of like to do and offer before we go straight down that rabbit hole. But I will say that our brains, once we start to adapt, things change. There's chemical imbalances, there's misfirings that are happening. If you were a severely traumatized kid, your brain may not fire like a normal brain, right? So, because you've had to survive, you've had to adapt. And so sometimes meds are okay temporarily with the right provider. Like working with the right person can help you because we're about quality. It's no need to be pulling hair out every single day. We can't get under, you know, you can't understand what's going on. You can't function, you're yelling at your kids, you're throwing stuff. I feel like in situations like that, when life is debilitating, I use typically in my sessions, debilitation. Do you feel like your anxiety is debilitating? Is it a place where you feel like you can't function well? Then at that point, it's probably time to skip the magnesium and move on to a little Prozac. And it's okay. Let me talk to you about the side effects. Let me talk to you about what to look for. Let me tell you how this can help you. And if you don't like it, let me know. So I think key for our culture in general is just like making sure you ask the right questions, going to the right person that hears you. Because we are so taboo. When I say medicine, you see you say med, and people, I know. I just talk about it. But the problem is I feel like some of us aren't getting like that full life experience because we're carrying so much. Not saying therapy can't help you unpack, but when things are too much to handle, it is okay to shift for a season. You can come off your medicine. People feel like they're like you, it's dependent. Like you're you'll be dependent on them. There are studies that show that, like, especially with antidepressants, right? So antidepressants can, like your Zoloff or Prozacs, those are more common. That if you stay on them at least a year, it can prevent rebound. And so my thing is just like I tell them, you communicate with me, communicate with me. Let me know. Like, if you don't like how you feel, let me know. We'll figure out something different. Um, and so I'm trying to figure out I I'm getting lost in the sauce now. I'm going my little circle, but I'm trying to remember where I was where I started. Other than making sure culturally we know about meds and the shift in our brains. That's where I was going. Yes. Um, just to understand that she pulls the stuff back.

SPEAKER_04 27:07

I had to pull it back too.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

Because I start going down my little hole. But anyway, I think the my main thing to go back to your original question is that our brains do adapt based off what we have going on. And it's okay if you have to lean on someone for medication management to get you through that season and know that it's not necessarily a lifelong sentence to take medications. Situations are different, right? Um, but yeah, that's that's where I was going with that.

SPEAKER_07 27:34

So I like I like that. What was the term that you used when you first started that?

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Um epigenetics.

SPEAKER_07 27:38

Yes. Yes. So that was fascinating to me. And then uh, especially when you say environmental, right? Sometimes that could trigger it. And I immediately thought about uh 2020, the pandemic, and I'm thinking about this current uh administration that could be very triggering to a lot of people. For sure. And then when you talked about meds, and I was like, well, maybe that can assist if you can just do it for a time frame. So you are saying that medication can be used as a season, help you get through, and then, you know, okay, so it's a part of the Yeah, it's a part of the healing journey for some, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Like, so therapy could be great and and it can work all by itself. However, again, when we talk about just the brain, uh the brain's adaptability, what you got going on, was there a diagnosis in childhood that never was addressed, that now you're worried about it because it's like, for instance, ADHD, right? Every, you know, it's it's loud, it's here, everybody talks about it. But what people don't mention is how like ADHD is more than a school age diagnosis. It affects a lot. It deals with emotional regulation, like your kids' ability to go from zero to a hundred really quickly. It, I mean, there's a there's so much unpacked with ADHD, but a lot of people did not get that, like it wasn't addressed at 10. So at 25, when you got somebody speeding down the road, they're very impulsive, like they're just kind of we we have to address what we didn't address 15 years ago. And so I think it's just this is why I feel like meds, they're not the be-all. Like, don't get me wrong. They they are just they're there to help. They are not there to take over for you not to go unpack anything. It is legit there to help you because some people, unfortunately, again, when we talk about chemical imbalances, because we have we have these are chemicals here, neurotransmitters. There's a lot biologically that's happening inside our brains that sometimes need a little leveling out. Now, I also am a big component of um just nutritional deficits and understanding that those too cause mental illnesses, right? That I mean, that's a whole podcast by itself. But I feel like we as providers have to do better with acknowledging the nutritional deficiencies. We need to be drawing labs first. We need to be seeing, like, is your B12 off? Vitamin D, a lot of melanated people, we are D-deficient, okay? If you've been D-deficient five years ago and you hadn't been taking vitamin D, you're probably still D-deficient. And so that leads to mood swings, fatigue, achy bones. And so I say all that to say just making sure biologically you look well too before we start jumping to Prozaca or um Zoloft. That's personally what I do. I want to make sure you look good inside. Because if your vitamin D is 12 and it's supposed to be, you know, 45, 50, 60 would be nice, then you're really depleted. And so we gotta get, we gotta get you up biological. But think about our food today. Our food is trash. Yes. The soil is trash. Everything, like in and you, so we're not even able, like how our great grandparents grandparents were able to go out in the field and grab whatever they needed. The vegetables were good, everything was great to get all their full vitamin. We don't have that source anymore. We got fake chicken out here. Y'all probably seen that idea. I mean, just I mean, it's just so much. What will you trust? Where do you like? Where do you go to get your food? And so your gut and brain are connected. They are connected. So when we put crap here, it we get crap out, you know? It goes straight up, straight there. And so it's a lot with mental health. Like it's not just, you know, your childhood wasn't very good. Now we're throwing on top of it fake food, you know? And so it's just, it's very layered, but I do feel like it's just essential to make sure that when you start to recognize something may be off, that you do seek help. You do find somebody that you mesh well with. And if you feel like you want a little medication, you find somebody that do that too. Despite what your parents or your grandparents or your auntie and uncle feel about medication management. Because, you know, it's, I mean, it's cultural. Oh, you on your crazy pills? You know what? If I gotta take a little appeal to make sure that I'm sane for my kids and my job, then that's what I don't have to do. You know what I mean? And again, seasonal, right? Like if that's something you're like, hey, you know what? It's been a couple years. My child, my last child just got out of high school. I think life can get a little bit easier for me. Let me trial off of them, work with your provider to get you off them safely. So I do truly believe that um a lot of people can come off their meds. Again, every situation's different. You know, we have some chronic, really, really severe mental challenges where people do have to be on meds a little bit longer. Um, but for the most part, I mean, as long as you're working with somebody, you can safely, you should be able to safely come off whatever medication you've been started on.

SPEAKER_05 32:20

So I heard you use the word um rebound. Can you explain what that is?

SPEAKER_01 32:27

So what what can happen, what can happen is let's say, you know, we'll speak about depression, for instance. A lot of people are depressed in your cooler months. Nobody's outside. So fall, right? Fall, this is where August, September, we start in in business, we start to see a shift. Mood is dropping, people are sad. You have season, they call it seasonal depression, right? We have holidays around. We got people who don't have family that yearn for family. And um you start to shift, right? Let's say we start Prozac, and I just keep using that, but we start Prozac, they start to feel better, right? And then the summer comes. Everybody's happy. Like right now, numbers are down. People don't, I don't need my medicine. So I even made a TikTok the other day. I was like, y'all, don't be spiraling in August. Stay on your medicine all summer, okay? Don't come on, you know, stay on because the people feel good, they feel great. And so when I say rebound, it's almost like if the chemicals, like when we're taking these pills and we needing to balance things out, if the brain isn't quite ready, isn't quite where it needs to be, or let's say you don't make lifestyle changes, right? We still at McDonald's every day. We're not trying to fuel our body, then then your brain may not be ready to just kind of pull off of this. So when we say rebound, you pull off, you start to shift backwards, right? We're still going back into that same funk. Whereas if you've changed lifestyle or you're working, you're working out and you're doing all the things and um you know, you're hopeful, we're hopeful that your by your brain can kind of pick up where you pull that medicine out and just kind of stabilize itself. So that would be rebound. So studies were showing that if if as long as you've been on them a year, the chances are lower. Not saying it can't happen. And I've had some come off in six or seven months because sometimes when we have situational things going on in our house, our lives, miss don't fix that. They don't fix that. And I had to learn that that was a hard part of practice that I had to learn because I was like I remember this one lady, she kept coming, and I was like, What am I doing? Like I was switching out all the stuff. I'm like, let's try this, let's try that, and nothing was working. And finally we sat down and I was like, it's your house. It's what's going on in your house. It's that you gotta fix your, you gotta fix your situation. Cause I can't, I like I can't help you. I I I mean, love for you to keep coming back, but me switching meds, because I'm not a PO meal provider, like I don't be we don't be stacked I don't stack meds. Um and so yeah, I I just it's still need, right? Like, I mean, there's seven, eight peels, something's not working. Something, something's not working. Um, but I just was like, I can't I I don't know what else to do until you fix your home, your situation, I there's nothing else I can do with that. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:11

So that that pushes to everything isn't always just a mental thing. It's it goes back to like you and Jamar say, it's environmental. Yes. You have to change your environment. Yes, you know, and there are so many ways, so many things that you can think of just from watching TV, right, and what can be going on at home that can play on your mental. And I feel in that situation with the environment, that's also um connecting itself to your emotional stance too. Yes. So not only you only are you in a space where you have issues, your mind is set on that, and that is a very emotional, uh, day-to-day thing. Right. Because even if you leave, you know you gotta come back. So in that space, um, do you see a lot of people able to quote unquote fix home and then come back and say, hey, you know, everything is great, or is it one of those things that's you can keep, like you say, you keep coming, but you have to fix that before we can fix this.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

Again, it's economy. Moving out people can't do. People co-parenting in the same house can't afford to live on their own. So I personally have not seen a whole lot of change with that specifically. I think you know it's it's helpful to change perspective, right? Like we can talk about how to change perspective. Like, well, hey, maybe maybe shift from saving up for vacation and saving up to get your own spot, right? Like this shift your perspective because again, I think there's a lot of barriers to why people can't leave home. Think about our kids, right? What are they gonna do without the parents? If the parent is the toxic trigger, what what can they do about these parents? And so that's where I feel like with school affiliations, school like getting adjusted with um, or having guidance counselors be more involved with our kids and like mentor groups and just things to encourage our youth who who are struggling at home. It's hard for them to fix that. And they're, you know, 15, they gotta wait till 18 to get out of the house.

SPEAKER_05 37:32

Three more years. And that's hoping that they can leave.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

There you go.

SPEAKER_05 37:36

Because, and I'm not trying to be funny when I say this, but every kid is not prepped or ready for college. No, some kids are not prepped or ready to just get a job and save and then move into an apartment.

SPEAKER_00 37:49

Yeah, some don't, yeah, they just don't know.

SPEAKER_05 37:51

And then some don't have the best friends to try to go anywhere with.

SPEAKER_00 37:55

No, it's very sad.

SPEAKER_05 37:57

And it's an all-around thing stemmed from home.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

Stemmed from home. Like you you want to try to get away from home, right? And and some who maybe the environment is so toxic now. I just, I'm gonna just go sell drugs to get up out of here. Like I just need money, right? Or I'm gonna just go stay, work and stay in a hotel because I don't want to be at home.

SPEAKER_07 38:15

Like, or I'm gonna get me a man so I can get up out of here.

SPEAKER_01 38:18

How about well, that too.

SPEAKER_07 38:19

That too. Yeah, or vice versa.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

Well, get me a woman who got a place to stay. Yep. Then you're creating all these broken hearts. Like it's just, I mean, it's very cyclic, but if we as parents don't address our issues, we will continue to project them onto our children. And so that's I think that's where it's just difficult. We have to recognize that mental health as a whole, I mean it goes by generations. It's just now I think we're a little more vocal about it. We're okay kind of saying, well, you know, mama, daddy, you did actually, that wasn't right. But I love you, I forgive you at whatever capacity I understood. You had to do what you had to do. But this was my perspective. And then as a parent, when children come to you, is just understanding, like, hey, that's their perspective. You may feel like you didn't do nothing wrong, but respect the perspective. Like their feelings are very valid. Yeah, we validate them so that way we don't create strain with relationships because we're human. We're everybody's learning, especially with that first kid. You learning, you learn how to be a parent. Nothing. So I just, you know, I think it's okay. Like we gotta give grace. We gotta give grace. And and I feel like we need to give it, especially raising children. Like this generation coming up under us, they are gonna be a whole nother level of sensitive. You know, it I'm just saying, like it's just we gotta be a little bit more, you know, and I'm not saying every to each his own, right? Like, I'll allow mine to express this 76, right? So they're teaching them how to regulate their emotions. They're teaching them now how to, in kindergarten, how to recognize what this is. So, what do you say when you come home and like, I'm angry? Well, what you supposed to say? Well, I'm angry too. So join the club. Well, I mean, what do you do? Because you know, back in the day, you ain't say nothing. Right.

SPEAKER_06 40:04

No, right.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Put your mouth in and go on about your business, watch the d whatever. Like you could not say anything. No. And that creates us walking around holding on to a bunch of emotions where we got a lot to say and we're carrying a lot of burdens. So there's a respectful way, right? So you can teach them how to be respectful and how they express themselves. But I do think it's just they're these kids coming up, they're gonna be a lot louder, a lot more vocal.

SPEAKER_05 40:29

So it's parents. I already see that, you know. Um I grew up like you said, do this, do that, don't question nothing. And if you feel some type of way, it's always a um, what do you call it? Like a finger pointing thing.

SPEAKER_03 40:48

Like, you gotta answer it.

SPEAKER_05 40:49

Well, you know, I this is how I feel. And it's like, well, I don't understand why. Because you ain't the one that's got to pay the bills. You ain't the one that didn't, you know, and I know it's a lot of people that have had to deal with that just, you know, growing up. You know, some of us had it easier, some of us had it better, but other ones compared to whatever spectrum we're putting ourselves on, if this is normal, you know, it's very few people that are here. The majority are on that same level of, you know, again, being a latchkey kid. For sure. You know, get home, go in the house, don't burn the house down. You know, and um I know with my kids, I allow say what you got to say. Just don't yell at me.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

Right, be respectful. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 41:36

You know, I I have no problem if you're yelling out of frustration, but don't yell at me.

SPEAKER_00 41:41

Me, right, right.

SPEAKER_05 41:42

You know, I grew up getting whooped, and I will whoop my kids. But then I thought about that thing. I'm not wasting no more energy. You about to give me these push-ups and then give me that phone.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

Oh, well, how about that? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 41:57

Because give me that phone, give me the Xbox, you know what? I'm gonna do like my mama do. My mama used to leave my dating myself. Nintendo 64 was allowed to sit on the dresser beside the TV, all the controllers, everything connected, plugged up, and you can't touch that radio. That's how I do my kids because that way you can see what your consequences allowed you not to be able to do.

SPEAKER_01 42:23

Right. You know, I think too, and I know because I know like the spankings are definitely it's controversial, right? They they today, when I think about there are some things that have happened to us or before us that today would be considered abuse. Right. So just being just being mindful of that. So even these kids coming up, they they ready to call DSS. You you pick a finger, you hit them, they're picking the phone up. So it's just learning how like to be able to allow, like in your household, talking to your children, helping them understand, like you said, you allow them to express themselves because I think when we don't communicate with them, it just creates this this false narrative of what's going on. And so that creates more issues.

SPEAKER_05 43:09

And I have two boys, one girl and two boys.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 43:14

And the older two are daddy's kids, you know. My daughter off to college, daddy's girl. She still calls me like she's in the house, two-hour conversation, talking about everything and nothing.

SPEAKER_04 43:28

Sweet.

SPEAKER_05 43:28

I just say there's gonna come a day where she may not call me to talk to me about anything is up, Dad. Yeah, I need dad. Can you help me?

SPEAKER_01 43:36

You create a safe space.

SPEAKER_05 43:38

Yes. And that's important. My oldest son, he just is shut down. So I have to go in there and I have to sit and I have to use a very low tone. Okay, son, listen. Your daddy knows something wrong. So, whatever we got to do to get this figured out, just know I'm here. If you want to take a minute, come get me. That's fine. You want me to come back in 15 minutes? I'll come back.

SPEAKER_04 44:03

Right.

SPEAKER_05 44:03

You know, but my baby boy, first of all, you're not going to be yelling at me. Second of all, I want you to say what you got to say. But third of all, who you think you're talking to? Now, when you're ready to talk, we can talk. Right. But until then, if you don't lower your voice and stop yelling at me, do you want me yelling at you?

SPEAKER_01 44:24

But you see how you're intentional about it though? Think about before, like our parents and grandparents, and they didn't take the time to sit down and say, hey, come here. Come talk. Come sit with me.

unknown 44:35

Right.

SPEAKER_01 44:36

So now what are we supposed to do with this? What are we supposed to do with these feelings? And this is, I mean, and this is like where people, now we lean to bad habits, right? We we coping in other things because we don't have that safe space to talk, that safe place or person to just share and be. So I commend you for even being intentional about that. So maybe somebody out there, just pick up.

SPEAKER_05 44:58

I just dropped a couple of GMs right there. You see that?

SPEAKER_00 45:01

Y'all take that. Talk to your kids.

SPEAKER_07 45:03

Even though they may be a little sensitive, the next generation you were speaking of, but it also sounds like it uh could reduce those tantrums that kids have. You know you don't see them kids in the store falling out and stuff. But uh now if they're learning how to communicate and things like that, they can have a and if you create the space for them, y'all can have that conversation instead of them showing out. And Lord, I know I heard growing up, you better stop crying before you get something to cry about. That's just me.

SPEAKER_03 45:29

Right.

SPEAKER_07 45:30

But I'm already crying.

SPEAKER_05 45:32

What more can you do besides whoop me to make and take my stuff to make me cry more? Right. And you know, go ahead, guys. What you said, you know, you throw attention in the store. I didn't throw the tantrum in the store. No, no, no. I'm saying what you said, but you said, right? Man, my mama said, I'm gonna embarrass you, but you embarrassed me. Yes, yes, indeed. I remember it was either I don't know if it was my brother or my sister, but one of them called themselves having an attitude stomping and halfway falling out. I had to walk away. Because my mama was time away. My mama did the same doggone thing, and I was like, I'm not with them. I didn't check my tone one day, and I halfway got loud with my mom in the store, and my mama, my mama good for this. She would call my name in the midst of her yelling. Thank you, Jackie Mays. She didn't say boy, she didn't say son. She called government Monte, let me explain something to you while we in this store. And I said, I said, Mama, you ain't got to go there. It's she said, No, you went there, so I'm going there too. I tell you what, that day I learned to never raise my voice in public again. Ever. Again. I'm not even gonna call that childhood trauma. That was a very valuable lesson. But I like, you know, yeah, cut cut down on the the the falling out on the floor.

SPEAKER_04 47:03

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 47:04

You know, when I see kids do that, I'd be like, let me know when you're done.

SPEAKER_01 47:08

Well, the boundaries gotta be set at home at a younger age.

SPEAKER_05 47:11

You know, and that's exactly what I say all the time. He did that, she did that, they did that in public because it's allowed at home. I'm not the type of parent that says, shut up and go to your room. Mm-mm. Sit down.

SPEAKER_00 47:27

Right.

SPEAKER_05 47:27

We're gonna talk about this.

SPEAKER_00 47:28

Legit.

SPEAKER_05 47:29

Because if you're angry now, let's talk while you're angry. Get this off your chest.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

Let's talk about that.

SPEAKER_05 47:35

So when you do go upstairs, you're not going upstairs and they say the mine is the devil's playground. You are not, I'm not going to open that door intentionally for them to go upstairs. Man, my dad this, and my mom that, and I can't ever, and like, no, no, no, no, no. We're gonna snip that right now. What's going on? I see it on your face, I hear it in your voice. Nothing. The fact that you heard me tell you, I hear it in your voice. And you you went to that tone, and that tone I know because I listen to my kids. That tone tells me something is wrong. That tone tells me something has bothered you. That look on your face does not say I'm tired and sleepy. It says I'm tired and I'm ready to fight.

SPEAKER_00 48:18

Right.

SPEAKER_05 48:19

Let's let's let's let's let's figure out. The word of the year.

SPEAKER_01 48:25

Intentionality. You gotta be intentional. And I know, you know, as parents, we be tired too. But I mean, I feel like when you're raising humans, it just takes a little extra. You need that supernatural strength to like keep pushing. Because if not, we're gonna they're gonna fall into some of the patterns that maybe we receive, you know. So it's like, I don't want that. I'm gonna be intentional. Because, like I said, my son is six, and you know, I'm gonna try to do things a little differently. Um, and that way in hopes that he'll turn out to be a wonderful human, you know.

SPEAKER_05 48:56

So my son plays football. And um I can't play no sports, but I get out there and I do what I can, you know? Right. And I remember talking to somebody like, man, I come home and I just be tired. You know, he be wanting to go outside, not my son, but you know, his son, man. I be he be wanting to go outside and throw the ball, man, and he be wanting to do this, and I be like, man, I'm tired. I say, I want you to know the more you say that, the more you're creating more wrinkles in his brain of a memory. So when he does make it to the NFL and you come up, it don't matter if you hear raising him, it don't matter. The only thing he's gonna remember is my dad was too tired to throw the football. That's all he's gonna remember. And my daughter plays softball. Let me throw that softball about five good times, my shoulder hurt. Let me throw that football about five good times, my shoulder hurt. I ain't very athletic, so I ain't running nowhere. So I still made sure that again, intentionally going out there, throwing that softball with my daughter, you know, roll it on the ground, give her different um tactics of, you know, different ways of receiving this ball. You know, the same thing with my son. He's mostly my son loves to hit people. So I'm glad he's found a way to really channel his anger, you know, kind of like Waterboy. You think that you have this vision of you're not gonna say that to me, and then he lays these kids out. Thank you. You know, you you channeled it.

SPEAKER_04 50:33

Right.

SPEAKER_05 50:34

But again, I ain't that sports fanatic.

SPEAKER_02 50:39

But you show up.

SPEAKER_05 50:40

I show up. You show up, but he's not gonna run me over and tell him that. I don't care what position you play.

SPEAKER_01 50:46

Well, that's how, you know, and I mean, because I was raised by a single mom, shout out to her. Um, and so she did the best she could. She did the best she could. And so I just where I've just learned to, I just want to do things a little differently. Right. And so I think that's why I feel like this, these spaces are so important for people to just kind of recognize, like, hey, maybe, maybe I should look into that, or maybe I should go ask questions about that, you know. Um, and that way it's not we don't continue, we don't have to continue to carry certain they you know, they call it generational curses. I know there's a whole lot of terms for it, or if you will, but we can we can break the cycle. We can break it. I believe we can break it. We are more aware. We got Google, we got Chat GPT.

SPEAKER_07 51:29

Yes, indeed.

SPEAKER_01 51:30

You know what I'm saying? We got Chat GPT.

unknown 51:33

Right.

SPEAKER_01 51:33

We can come up with games to play with our kids now, you know. And so there's so many things that, but you do have to be intentional, you have to tap into that. Um, I also too, we don't really start talk a lot about this either. It's just making sure your kids get help. A lot of times, like these, you know, teachers saying, well, your kids just acting up and you go home and you and you beat them, right? We don't understand why they're acting up. ADHD again is one of those things. And not labeling kids. I'm not trying to do that. I'm just saying sometimes there really is some deficits going on in your child at the schoolhouse that it's hard for them to sit down. Y'all probably know a kid or two that's just hyper.

SPEAKER_07 52:10

I work with one.

SPEAKER_01 52:11

You know what I mean? Like they they all over the place.

SPEAKER_07 52:14

Me? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 52:15

I'm not hyper, am I?

SPEAKER_07 52:16

That ADHD is real up in here. Oh, it's real. It's real.

SPEAKER_05 52:21

Well, I know with my baby boy, well, all three of my kids, but more so my baby boy. He he runs through his work and he's just sitting there like, boy, what now?

SPEAKER_01 52:33

Well, look at the school system. I never thought about it, but I remember people saying, we shouldn't be sitting in class for eight hours. Oh. His are not designed to do that. Right. So it's like, you know, just being mindful of like the reports that we get of our kids. If we really do feel like something's different or off, they call them neuropsychological evaluations. It's legit. You go, they are very lengthy, very long. Um, however, its goal is to try to tailor and see like if there's something else going on with your children. There are some kids who have an auditory processing issue where they really don't, they hear you, but they don't hear you. They can't process. They have you have mild disabilities. You have like there's learning disabilities that can get picked up on these exam exams. But I think culturally sometimes it's just well, well, why were you acting up in school? Right. You never sit down, and it's like you keep beating them, and they go back to school and do the same thing.

SPEAKER_07 53:21

Yep. And to that point, like um, and my mom, because they, you know, I had behavioral problems, and I don't know if you know, but they were uh the class or the kids were called BEH. That was the behavioral, emotional, handicapped kids.

SPEAKER_04 53:34

Wow.

SPEAKER_07 53:34

And so the teacher was trying to uh tell my mom to uh send me in there or consider me for those classes. I'm gonna say nothing wrong with that boy. You know, right now that's the first thing they're gonna say, ain't nothing wrong with that boy. Right. But what it what it turned out to be was I wasn't being challenged in those classes. You know what I'm saying? So I didn't have to study anything, I just go in there and take the test, going by my business. So once they put me in classes, advanced classes, okay, now I gotta focus and pay attention. You know what I'm saying? So being intentional and not just as a parent listening to what they say as far as the teacher, because I could have been in that class. Oh Lord, I I couldn't imagine.

unknown 54:08

Right.

SPEAKER_01 54:09

But I was just saying, because if we don't ask questions, if we just keep, you know, if we just say, well, you you just showing out in class and nobody ever questions why.

SPEAKER_05 54:18

Right.

SPEAKER_01 54:19

Are they are the kids the kid hungry? Right. Did they eat yesterday? Like, is it no longer? Are they getting that whole week? Think about the summer when they go with no foods. Yes. They depend on, like, I mean, that's that could be a that could be a separate podcast. But I'm just saying in general, it starts in childhood and we gotta address it. Yes, we we got to stop. We, you know, if we gotta stop just taking these, like these children are bad and not trying to figure out what is going on with these kids.

SPEAKER_05 54:47

I don't know how many people have ever had this happen, but we literally had a teacher call the house and say, Hey, um, we want to talk to you about your son. This is this is Jacob, my older son. And we're like, Okay, what's going on? Um, has he shown any signs of um something to do with paying attention and whatever it was? We were like, Yeah, he's bored. And she's like, Well, I figured that. Because when did they start learning multiplication? In the third grade? I feel like second grade.

SPEAKER_00 55:28

First or second grade.

SPEAKER_05 55:30

My son said, Um, Mr. and Mrs. Teacher, can I get another sheet?

SPEAKER_00 55:35

He ran through it.

SPEAKER_05 55:36

He ran through it. And he's like, So can I add more numbers to these multiple? Like, I'm done with the single digits and I'm done with the double digits. Can we add on a third? She's like, I I I've never had a student ask me that. What am I supposed to do? I said, get him one. What are you asking? But he's not being challenged and he wants to be challenged. We need more work. Yes, give him what he's asked for. So I don't think I I don't know if I told Shamar yet, but my son has been accepted to the early college and he is going to the ninth grade.

SPEAKER_04 56:09

What?

SPEAKER_05 56:09

He is going to be a good thing. Let's go. Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 56:12

That is so smart. He's so smart. Good. Kudos.

SPEAKER_05 56:16

He has two honor classes. Um, he's like, yeah, I already knew I was gonna have those, and I ain't gonna be nothing, dad. I love it. And he's so he's gonna graduate not just with a high school diploma, he'll graduate with an associate.

SPEAKER_00 56:30

Oh, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_05 56:32

My daughter, she graduated with um a business certificate with her high school diploma.

SPEAKER_02 56:39

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 56:40

So I'm like, I'm proud of my kids. I think I did a great job.

SPEAKER_02 56:44

You did.

SPEAKER_05 56:45

You know, you did. I think Chandra did all the work. Don't tell her that. She's gonna take all the credit. That's my wife you're talking about. No, man. She had a hand or two in maybe, maybe a don't ask your daddy's hand. Don't ask your daddy. I don't know nothing about that. You know, but I I give I shout out my kids because again, I didn't raise them the way the majority of my my friends were raised, you know. Right. I gave them this open space, and I'm like, if you're struggling, you gotta say something because nobody knows if you can, you know. But to know my kids are doing very well.

SPEAKER_00 57:27

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_05 57:28

We we're working on this this little boy.

SPEAKER_00 57:30

He's gonna do well. He got examples. He got yes, it got role models.

SPEAKER_05 57:35

He's just bored. Yeah. Very bored. To be challenged. He is so bored when the teacher asks somebody else a question. He answered, he's oh my god, like how you not know this answer. We just talked about this. And I'm like, so then we get the phone call. Hey, he's he's talking out in class and he's being disruptive. And I'm like, please explain.

SPEAKER_02 57:53

Right.

SPEAKER_05 57:54

So when they explain it, I'm like, you're not challenging him.

SPEAKER_02 57:57

Right.

SPEAKER_05 57:58

Give him some extra work.

SPEAKER_01 58:00

Consider a different class, a little something, you know.

unknown 58:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:04

So I but there's the advocacy, right? Yes. There's your your kid's advocate.

SPEAKER_05 58:09

Very, very.

SPEAKER_01 58:10

And we need all parents to get on board because the teachers stretched in today, too. So they're not as intentional to call and say, hey, so-and-so is failing. What's what's going on at home? Or, you know, they're not making those calls as much anymore. So we gotta be in their business.

SPEAKER_05 58:25

They write it in the um the report.

SPEAKER_01 58:29

Oh, like the report card.

SPEAKER_05 58:31

That's the word I'm looking for.

SPEAKER_01 58:32

Well, I mean the report card came out whole nine weeks later. At that point, kids got zeros. Well, not zeros. They got 40s. They can't have zeros no more.

SPEAKER_05 58:39

Oh, and then they changed the grading scale. Yeah, they made it lower, didn't they? They stretched it. Remember how when we was in school, it's 93 to the back. 69. Yeah. A 69 was an instant F. Yeah. Now it goes all the way to like 40, 50 now. Oh. And I'm like, talk about um lowering the standards. Lowering the standards. I told my kids, I say, That don't lie to you. Parent to be like, you need to get a B or above. But knowing that y'all's grade scale has changed, I bet I see no C coming up in here. You know, and all three of my kids have been on my daughter, was on the A honor roll, I believe, the last two years of high school. Wow. Um my oldest son, he got a B and he almost lost it.

SPEAKER_00 59:28

Because he was straight A student.

SPEAKER_05 59:29

Straight A student. He was like, stupid teacher gave me a B. And I'm like, hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened? Right. He explained, and I was thinking to myself, yeah, the teacher is stupid. She could have gave a little bit of gave you a little. Because she decided to grade the paper late. She wants to give you a late grade and then did it for the whole class because you didn't do your job. I digress.

SPEAKER_07 59:52

Shout out to the Harris kids, but yes, hey, they're doing great. You did great. All right, all right. Now back to the show.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:01

We went left and we're going to go.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:03

You see the ADHD just come out.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:05

It's from mental health, though.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:07

It's all to me, it's all intuitive. Is that the correct word? I didn't hear it. All intuitive.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:13

Inclusive.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:14

Inclusive. There you go. Yeah. It meshes very well. It does.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:18

So thank you. You good. So one thing you said earlier at the top of the show, I really liked was, you know, a lot of that comes from our childhood. You know, what happens today comes from that. But you said that it's our responsibility to do the healing.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:34

We can't control what happened to us, you know. We can't control the environment, our parents, or anything like that. But what we can control and what we are responsible for is the healing. So I really want you to lean into that and kind of give that a gem or two to, you know, the people out there listening as far as being on that or starting that healing journey for those that haven't. Because, you know, it's still uh, it's not as taboo as it used to be, but we still, our community still is like, you know, we don't need that. We ain't crazy, you know, but we do need to heal. So kind of talk about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:06

Yeah, so I think, you know, the key is recognizing it, right? Like recognizing maybe you don't feel your best self, right? And you don't know why. Because that's a thing. Some people like, I just feel off and I don't know why. And again, a lot of the child, sometimes childhood trauma is we we push it out. We don't remember nothing before the age of nine or ten or whatever the case may be. But ages zero to seven, I know sometimes literature changes between six, seven, and eight, but this is where our brain is doing the most development. So if we are being traumatized or negligible or we're being neglected during this time frame, or we're seeing abuse, or whatever the case may be, this is what's shaping. So I do believe that everybody gets some type of feeling to know, like, I'm just not my best self, whether that's I don't feel like I'm as far as in my career, or I feel like my relationships always end up being my fault, or maybe you're the one who is constantly the victim, right? So it's never my fault. Um, I think whenever that little piece of like that nudge in you is just kind of like, uh, I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know what to pinpoint. There's everything in my life is going okay. At that point, that is where I would start my journey. Like we all have some mental health stuff, all of us. Because grocery is, you know, asparagus$10. We all struggling with something. We all feel some type of way about something. And so even if you go to a counselor or whoever and just say, you know what, to be honest, I really don't know why I'm here. I just don't feel my best self. I think that's where we just have to start. We just have to start. Now, on the other hand, there are people who do know the house falling apart, the kids acting up. It's a whole lot of stuff going on. Um, my mom had, you know, my mom bipolar. I'm nervous that I'm bipolar because there, that's the thing too, where people know like they're their first, their family members, their mom, dad. So you're immediate, they have a diagnosis, like a legitimate diagnosis, and they're concerned that they may be exhibiting the same things. It's all about awareness. You got to be aware of what's going on. Um, or even if you don't really know what mama has, because I've had patients say that, or clients say that too. Like, my mama needs something. I know something's off, right? Right. I know she needs some pill, something. She's not taking anything, but you know, then they go down the timeline about what happened during their childhood. Those clients typically are, they have a sense of awareness, like something may be off with me, but I want to make sure I don't get there. And so that too is where it's encouraged to go and seek help. And then what I encourage, as far as like the therapist standpoint, when you're getting clients who are constantly returning, but there's no improvement, then that's where it's like, well, maybe you might need a little bit more. And that's kind of where a provider, a psychiatric provider, can come in and maybe give advice as to maybe, maybe medications, maybe something we need to look into. Or, you know, like I said before, like drawing labs first, see what's going on. I will say women hormonally can cause like our hormones affect our mental health 100%. And so if they're not balanced, we're not balanced. And so making sure, especially, you know, when we talk about menopause, and I mean that's that's there's so many podcasts, little snippets, but that's a whole nother thing. But women's health in general, like we know, let's say you're fine until you turn 42, and all of a sudden you're like, wait, what's the what's happened to me? To me, that's more of an indication of a medical need than it is mental health, if that makes sense. Yep. So knowing like, because you can go to a provider and they throw you on pills without even asking questions. I'ma ask. I'm like, oh, you say you got anxiety out of nowhere? That don't sound right. We don't just get anxiety out of nowhere. Yep. Something's off, right? And so I think it's just essential, like, so to your point, is just to be aware if there's something off to seek help. Multiple platforms, advocate for yourself. We're human. Provide, we're human. Like, so if you don't mesh, move on. You can provide a hop. I because if you really want to get to a place, and nobody's ever 100%, in my opinion, healed, if you will. But if you want to get to a place where you can function without having to, you know, you feel like you're caring a lot, or you just you just want to live life and be happy and you know, go go find somebody to talk to. That's okay. That's you know, it's okay to want to heal. And healing is a journey, there's no destination for that. Yep. You just get to a place where you can maybe like shine a light on not your specific trauma, but maybe you can give advice with about what happened to you without it breaking you down. Or maybe now you're like, oh, yeah, I do remember this happening. You know how it said the same like we sweep stuff up under the rug. It's time to pull the rub back, dust, get it out. It may still be a little dusty, but the The big, the big balls of Lena out and you can have a conversation about it. And it's not it's not over you. Like it's not, it's just you're not carrying it. It's not weighing you down, right? It's something that you cannot like baggage. You can put it down. It happened. It shaped, it shaped who you are, you know. And so I just think it's just essential to be aware and to seek out the right type of help, ask the right questions, move on to the next person if it doesn't work. And don't be afraid to like try meds or see somebody who do who does who who um administers medications or prescribes medications if you feel like your life really needs like that push. Because some people need need more than just talk therapy.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:45

Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:47

And mental health is just as important as uh oral care going to the dentist. It's just as important as medical.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:55

Yeah, yeah. Okay. All the things. All the things. Yes. Yes. A plethora. The whole list.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:02

A plethora. I know that one.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:06

That's and these like I said, these spaces are great because it brings exposure. Right. People don't know that they have to go to the dentist. They should go to the dentist twice a year.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:13

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:13

People don't know they need annual exams every year. Like you need them. You need your heart and lungs check. They don't know. They don't know you need blood work. They just go, Uncle Soso dropped from a heart attack and he was fine. But we don't know. We gotta get we gotta get a heart check.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:30

I have to go um once a year. Uh ain't no uh. Ain't no uh-oh. Because um, since birth, I've had sickle cell anemia. So I have to go.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:41

You have to go.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:43

And if there's a flare-up, I either I'm calling my um my doctor. I cannot remember what that fancy title name is.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:53

Hematologist?

SPEAKER_05 1:07:55

That one.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:56

I have to either call her nurse practitioner.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:59

She knew where you were going. I didn't know what you were talking about. Yes. I either have to call her, but if it's like um call her office, or if I can't, when I walk into the ER, I say it's a sickle cell crisis. Just give me a room.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:12

Get you, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:13

When you give me this room, go ahead and give me the morphine, um, and then give me whatever that face word is for Tylenol. Give me about four hours minimum. Yeah, you'll be all right, and then come back and check on me. Okay, sir, so what's the problem? I don't think you heard me. Give me a room. Right. It's sickle cell. I'm not going anywhere. Like my wife will tell as much pain as I be in during these crises, I will still go take a shower and I will go and put on some comfortable clothes, and I will walk in the hospital, and I will bring my slides, I will bring my phone charger, I will bring my earbuds, I will bring whatever it is I need to remember because I know your boy not going nowhere.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:51

But that's why it's important to get checked.

unknown 1:08:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:54

Now think about people with underlying diseases that they don't know about and they never pick up. I know somebody knows somebody knows an uncle or aunt that has dropped dead, right? Felt they had a heart attack out of nowhere and they were healthy. I hear that all the time in our communities. And what nothing wrong with them, right? No, there was something going on that was just not picked up on. And I know there's a lot of like trauma behind why we may not see certain providers. And like I know, I know there's a lot of trauma, but find the one that you're willing to see because it's important that somebody listening to your neck, heart, and lungs. That's essential, at least once a year, at least.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:33

Because chronic migraines, they're not just regular headaches.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:38

No.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:39

Sometimes that headache ain't just a headache.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:41

No.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:42

That chest. It's for a reason. There's something there. You know, go to the hospital. I mean, go to the ER. Yep. Go to urgent care.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:52

Urgent care.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:54

Because I know sometimes these doctor visits, they get, oh, well, we don't have an opening for two weeks. If you're feeling that bad or you feel it might be that bad. Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:04

Go somewhere where you can get seen that day.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:08

And find a provider that's gonna listen. I know we get these too many visits these days, but y'all, it's people like that who actually do listen.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:14

Yeah. I hate waiting in a sitting in a wait room for 20 minutes and then my visit is 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:20

That's all.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:21

And it's like, and then okay, you good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:24

No, it's nothing. You ain't had time to ask questions. Mm-mm. Our healthcare has been corporatized.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:30

Very.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:31

And it sucks. So that's why I, you know, that's why I branched out on my own because I was like, yeah, no.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:36

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:37

No, I don't do that. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:41

So Jamal, where are we at?

SPEAKER_07 1:10:45

You know, Tay really likes you because he just talking. Listen to the city. We must have gotten the floor math, but we've got to be a little bit more than we must forgot where we was at. And it it happens. So it happens. We've gotten her to drop the, you know, that that seed, if you will, because I wanted her to tell the people, you know, uh, why it's important to go on that healing journey.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:03

So, you know, you can go ahead and close on out, Tay, after you finish your water.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:07

Yeah, because I done sat over here and talking a lot today.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:10

You sure did.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:11

And the kids don't even watch this show.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:14

Right.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:15

But we go to uh minute seven and five minutes. Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:19

Just pick up right now, everything else, you good. So it sounds like your support system is great. Um, sounds like you have a lot of people on board. You you mentioned that. Um, so we can check that off the list. So oh my gosh. Um the C what would you want to? I think you've already answered this question to us. What C would you play for other people? Go get checked out.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:45

Go get checked. Preventative health care is key. Yes. Um, and then on the other end, if you're a provider and you're realizing like there's an area, a niche that needs to be focused on, then that might be your calling. Because a lot of people, we need a lot more people who are vocal about what's going on in our communities and willing to serve the underserved because we don't have a lot of people. I think they said that there was 3% black psychiatrists. 3%. And I'm not even a psychiatrist, I'm an NP, so I don't even know what that number looks like. But um, it's you know, we we need help. We need help out here. And not the people that are willing to step outside of the corporate world to take care of our people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:24

So one, let the people know where they can find you in your practice.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:32

Yes. So I do have an office in South Park. I offer telemedicine as well. As far as um social media, I am your friendly NP on TikTok, Growing Gracefully underscore on Instagram and Facebook. Um, my practice is called Growing Gracefully Counseling and Consulting. And so I do offer medication management, talk therapy. Um, and yeah, I just I just love my people. It's an integrative approach, like I talked about a little bit earlier. I do like to make sure that my clients are biologically well. Magnesium, vitamin D's, I'll offer that before we jump ship to other things, but I'm willing to jump ship because sometimes it's necessary. So yeah. Oh, and my website ggcounseling.com. Info gg counseling.info. GG just the letter G G G yeah G G counseling.info. Got it. I said.com, but it's out there. I'm out there. You can Google me.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:29

Yeah, it'll be Google me, baby.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:32

I'm out there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:34

So this is the space where we open the floor.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:41

Make a statement um for either of us. Yes. Okay. Okay. You here?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:51

Okay. Well, I again I do appreciate you guys for having this space. I think it's great what you guys are doing. Continue to do it, especially to reach those who may not catch this any other place, you know. Um, and so I appreciate that. But what made you guys start this? That's my question.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:08

Love that question. This as in the creative roots. Yeah, yeah. I got I got it.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:13

That's my question. You said a year.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:16

What brought you here and why?

SPEAKER_07 1:14:18

Absolutely. So um started uh been in this uh studio space for three years as of two weeks ago. Okay, and the podcasting portion of it just came out because of the demand of the market. They wanted more podcasting. So we created Charlotte Podcast Studio. I would like to thank us. Us. Um, and in that, uh, I'm like, Tay, it's just like I wouldn't go to a barber if the barber hair is messed up. I wouldn't go to the dentist with a uh jacked-up teeth. So I'm like, Tay, how is anybody gonna know we know how to shoot podcasts unless we have our own podcast? And so we started off with one. We didn't, we got bored with that. We we were teaching people how to, you know, uh grow, build their start their podcast, growing and stuff. And there's only so many topics we could talk about on that. And so Tay birthed creative roots. Look at you. And you can take over, brother.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:09

Tell me that.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:09

And that's what happens. And that's what happened. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's more than that. Oh, okay. No, no, that's not it.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:17

Oh, it's a it's a long but short story. I just like to talk to people. Okay, and and I like to know where people come from, you know, because when we see people on TV, they're already there.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:29

There, right.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:30

And the question is, so how did they get there? And knowing that there are a lot of creatives just in Charlotte and surrounding cities, right? I want to talk to y'all. You know, appreciate it. Um, like I said, with the month of May, you know, a lot of the guests have mentioned mental health, childhood trauma, adult trauma. And, you know, that's when I'm wrong on Natasha. And I'm like, hey, it's a lot of guests that are dealing with this. I want to record an episode, you know, with you. And, you know, knowing what the month of May is, here we are, you know, this whole month is gonna be stacked. Um, but just knowing that we all sit, and I'm I'm saying all, but me personally, so how did you become a therapist? How did you become a rapper? How did you become a um uh photographer, videographer, a filmmaker, um, and Arthur, you know, author, not Arthur, you know, how did you and Tay don't edit nothing? You know, I just want to I just it's just the question, how did you get here? When did you go through?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:42

Inspiring stories.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:43

Because there could be somebody that's like, I want to be a photographer. Well, listen to what these people went through, right? You know, and it's to me, it's all inclusive. We basically go through the same thing. We both, you know, to an extent we feel the same way. You know, but I want to know the story.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:04

Well, we appreciate the space.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:06

Thank you. Because people like me don't like social media or setting this up, and I don't I don't mind sitting, but to have computers and mics. But I know people need to hear it, right? So I do I do fight and get on social media and and record, and it's like, oh, we appreciate it. I'm like, y'all don't know how much energy it took just to get in front of this camera.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:29

Or or the amount of energy it takes to set it up.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:31

Well, yeah, I'm and I'm sure this this is a lot, it's very fancy in here, guys.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:36

Oh, yeah, you you know when you came in, I was breathing heavy because we just wrapped up a photo shoot, so we had to completely change everything.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:45

It shows your adaptability. Y'all got it. Yes, resilience. Love it.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:50

Charlotte Podcast Studio, aka your favorite cousin's house. We here. Thank you. I would like to thank us. So that's it for this episode. All right. We done. Thank y'all. Um, tell a story to this show.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:04

Right. Appreciate y'all coming in. Shout out to Charlotte Podcast Studio, shout out to Allen Low Studio, shout out to Artbox and take. Shout out to you and them Harris Kids. Thank y'all for tuning in. We'll catch you in the next one. Peace.